Over the years, I didn't have that many friends. I am what you described as very selective. But as time goes on, I lose them one by one, not because they are dead but because I am no longer relevant to them. I do not know how to describe what I feel. Betrayal made me dumbfounded, and sadly it happened to me more than just once. And yes, like what people always say, the sad thing is betrayal almost always didn't come from your enemies but friends.
I am not a perfect friend but I do treasure my friends, I see them as my own siblings, my family. But i don't know what went wrong I am always treated like shit no matter how kind I was to them. Make sense, when people are saying bad things about you, they forget to tell other what good things you have done for them.
Today, I am hurt yet again. By someone I trusted so much, did the same things my other friends did to me. All my former friends ganged up against me. And this trusted friend who has been listening to me relentlessly has also gone to their side. Despite knowing all the bad things that had happened to me, and how badly I was treated. That person eventually became friend with those who treated me badly. When confronted, that person said.. it's not in her nature to not be friend with others. Ouch!
I am so mad, I do not know what to feel, hence I am here writing on an unknown blog which I know didn't have much reader and let go of all I had in this chest of mine. I wish and hope I could just yell at that person, but I choose not to. Not because I am afraid but because I do not want to make myself the bad person. I prayed so hard to Allah, so HE will grant me strength and helped me get over this. It is not my call to punish them. All I'm asking from Allah is for me to accept all this wholeheartedly and moved on. I know things happened for the best.